WHO are YOU? What’s an Alice?


A beautiful  sad looking African elephant I met  while in Africa ,2016.

Hello world,

Well, this ending happened before the end. I’m really stressing out now. My end date is nearly up and as I stare at my work, write and rewrite I am wondering just what the heck, this is all about. All the self-doubt has crept on board, all the,’ you can’t do this,’ is happening, now as I try to finish up my writing. I am running towards February, crashing into March!!!!!

I have just spent the last few days, editing a chapter that blew out to 30,500.00 words, over 100 pages! ridiculous, I would have to pay them to read it! So, after much thinking, I decided to edit each page, writing another chapter, transferring information from page to the other. I managed to reduce the writing down to 20,000 words, for that I am grateful. And achieving this, has enabled me to fill up other chapters, only now I have so many saved copies that I have to be really careful that I am not editing the wrong copy!!!!

Heavens above, am I the only one who has to rewrite, edit, rewrite? I really have to trust my own judgement with all of this chapter sorting and writing, lets hope that I am on the right pathway to finishing, I thought this was so easy to begin with, but staying focused throughout the holidays and juggling my time, with family, with marking assignments, with traveling has all taken its toll on the amount of writing that I can achieve.

Getting ready for Toronto, although I can’t think about it right now, cause all I can think about, is finishing my writing, and writing and writing. What’s worse is that I also booked a concert ticket, in a moment of madness, or was it, perhaps it is the distraction I need or perhaps not!!!! Oh well, I guess I can take one day off or two. Almost forgot that I am traveling to Adelaide in a few weeks to see Rufus sing! can’t wait, well sort of, cause there’s all that writing to do.

It is really incredible the support that I have had in writing my thesis, the conference in Canada is in sync with my topic on resilience towards the end of life. It never ceases to amaze me how the universe lines up with me. Or am I inline with the universe? What ever, I am crashing towards the conference, which will also be on the closing chapter on my thesis. Resilience, and that is what is happening right now! When I rang my daughter and told her how stressed I was and that I couldn’t make sense of any of this writing any longer, she burst into laughter, and said; ‘that’s how we all feel,’ she has just received her PhD award, so I guess I can take comfort in that! Or can I?



About Jennifer Carter

I am currently undertaking a PhD on End of Life studies. I have created this blog to discuss with you matters related to end of life.
This entry was posted in caring, death matters, family matters, health and illness, health and wellness, living at the end of life, Nursing, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

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